Chapter 1 You Married a Person, Not a Position

What Changed When He or She Became a Pastor Most ministry spouses fell in love with a person — not a pastor. They married someone who had gifts and calling and a sense of direction. And then the pastoral role arrived, and with it came a set of demands and expectations that nobody fully prepared them for. The role changed not just the schedule but the social dynamics of the entire household. New expectations from the congregation. New visibility and scrutiny. New demands on time and emotional presence. And often, a new sense that the marriage they had married into was now a ministry partnership they had not fully consented to. Most ministry spouses love the work their partner does. Most believe in the mission. But love and belief do not automatically resolve the specific costs that pastoral ministry places on the person who is living beside it. "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." — Proverbs 31:10 The ministry spouse is not a ministry asset. They are a human being who deserves to be seen, cared for, and protected from a role they did not volunteer for.